A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to spend from Friday night until Monday afternoon living in a community called Share. A very quiet rural community with little crime and almost nothing to do. Days seem to be filled with visiting neighbours, playing soccer or just sitting. Almost too quiet, where you can see the monotony of living in a place with so little to entertain yourself with, there is the ever present danger of slipping down the wrong path. Little opportunity and little hope for the future can make people restless, especially young boys. The community is almost exclusively women and children. When we went to their church the Pastor and I were the only men there. The men seem to be either working in other cities, where they rarely see their family, or passed away. Tragically I think the latter seems to be dominating.
Although I have stayed in the community many times, it always seems to make me anxious before I go. There is excitement with a hesitancy mixed in. Even when I know how rewarding the experience will be, it still leaves me wanting to stay home and do what is comfortable. But as the day approached I did find myself growing excited for the opportunity.
I stayed with a family of all boys. I spent the majority of my time with the 19 year old boy Mdu (pronounced mm-doo). We stayed in one house with his step brother Henry who was around 24 or so. Then in the house a few feet away lived Mdu’s brother’s Trust (23) and Senzo (12). Mdu and I shared a bedroom and a bed for the long weekend. The house we stayed in was basically just the two bedrooms, one for us and one for Henry. The main room to the house was missing most of one of the walls, which he told me had fallen down in the middle of the night. That must have been scary for a young teenager to wake up to, and later to realize your house is falling down around you.
So I arrived on Friday night and we talked, walked around the village and came home for dinner. We came home late and started cooking around 9:00. They usually eat quite late because the heat is too much in the early evening for cooking.
We ate and talked about our lives. Mdu shared with me about his parents passing away. He told me how he and his brothers were kicked out of their home by their Uncle when their mother died. They had to leave that area and move in with their father in Share, only to have their father pass away a few years later. He opened up almost right away sharing a lot. I just listened.
The rest of the weekend went really well, we walked and talked a lot. Watched lots of his music DVD’s on heavy rotation. We spent time cooking together and sharing about our lives. Sleeping in the same bed with a total stranger is always an experience. There were lots of occasions in the middle of the night when his leg would end up on mine, and I would try to pull it away only to have his leg keep following me. I'm not sure if it is a difference in his sense of personal space or just that he is used to having the bed to himself. My experience is not unique though I hear many people on community stays have this. I got punched in the head the first night by Mdu while we were sleeping, that startled me wide awake. One of the nights we both jumped awake when he rolled over and he was spooning me. We eventually found our rhythm, which usually meant part of his leg draped over me.
It was challenging at times; not only his tough story and the different living conditions, but also just being with a 19 year old boy for every waking minute. Don’t get me wrong I loved my time with him, and Mdu and I bonded. But I sense some deep insecurity issues with the loss of both his parents. He spent a lot of time bragging about things he had done and people that he would say “love me too much”. How could their not be devastating psychological trauma after experiencing such loss at a young age? I think of the two older brothers and I try to imagine Casey and I in that situation, where all of a sudden I would have been the oldest. How could I possibly have known how to raise up my little brother when I was a teenager? Would he have even listened to me?
His older brother Trust was a fantastic guy to be around, a thoughtful and nice guy. I enjoyed the
time I spent just sitting and talking with him. Speaking English was a bit of a challenge but we got by on broken sentences and hand gestures.
They all welcomed me into their home and I felt like family. Actually Trust just called me the other day to ask when I’m coming back, that really touched me.
The times I spent walking through Share by myself, just taking in the community and waving hello to people, really made me feel special. I felt priviledged to be there. I loved spending time with the guys. It is amazing how much you can experience in such a short time living with strangers, we shared a lot together. I thought ‘Share’ would be an appropriate name for this blog, and not only because it is the name of the community where I stayed.
~T
Busie and Emily
