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the fragility of life

This photo captures one of the incredibly joyful moments that Tyler and I have been blessed with over the past couple months.  It represents everything that is lovely and pure…it represents a precious moment which I will keep treasured in my heart for years to come.  But what this photo doesn’t express is the dark chaos that has also found its way into my life.  They don’t show the fear and distrust that has recently competed for space in my heart.  This is because they are the kind of moments you DON’T take photos of.  They are the memories that you wish would disappear, but you know won’t.   

In a split second life changed for us.  In a moment, we were confronted with the fragility of life, and from that learned that life was not ours to take for granted.  While I have always “known” that at any time my life could be snatched away from me, I had never been faced with the reality of what this actually means.  Never before had I had an experience which forced me to examine how I live my life or one which caused to me to really question whether I was living for tomorrow or whether I was focusing on the joy and wonder of what today brings.  And through this I have learned a lot about fear.  About how it can take hold of you; take you captive; make you doubt in things you once trusted.  That fear can paralyze you and make you afraid of the dark if you allow it.  I have, for the first time, truly understood why the children that we care for in the community sleep with the light on.

Just last week I skyped with a dear friend of mine and as I recounted certain events to her, I found myself laughing.  She asked me how I could possibly laugh in the midst of this…and truthfully I didn’t know what to say.  Looking back now, I can say that I can laugh because of all I have gained from this incredible difficult struggle.  I can laugh because I am here…healthy, safe and loved.  And I can laugh because I have also learned that I can make the CHOICE not to be afraid.  I can choose to trust in God completely, believing His promise that he is always with me and that He will rescue me in times of trouble!  I can believe that He will “cover me with His feathers, and that under His wings I will find refuge, because His faithfulness is my shield and rampart.”  That I have no need to “fear the terror of the night” because when I call on His name, He will answer me.  I can trust that because He has “redeemed me and summoned me by name to be His witness and His servant ” He will “renew my strength.   And because of His love “I will soar on wings like eagles.  I will run and not grow weary; I will walk and not grow faint.” (Psalm 90:4-5, Isaiah 43:1,8,10 & 40:31)

-a

kruger