Things that make you go hmmm...

I have never really liked spiders. They are hairy, sneaky little buggers who like to hide in corners and under sheets, just waiting to skitter out to make you jump. Canadian, Africa, Asian, big, small…they are all the same…unpleasant. And until 4 days ago, that’s just how I saw them. They have never really harmed me, so I had no reason to hate them. That has all changed now. My distaste for spiders has regrettably moved on to be pure hatred. Now I know that I should love all things in God’s creation, but how can I have love for something which has left me with what it feels like to be a golf-ball sized lump on my bottom. Yes that’s right. I got bit by a spider, and of all places that he could have bit me, he (I am convinced it’s a male because certainly a female wouldn’t induce this much pain on another female) chose my bum. That nice fleshy piece of the body that most of us never really think about…sure we complain about its size and shape, but how often do we actually think about how much we use our bums? I now am very aware that every time we sit, we sit on our bums. And when that bum is compromised, say by a giant, very sore spider bite, we realize how in debt we are to our bums. To make matters worse, this all happened (without my knowledge) right before our weekend stay in the community, nice huh?

In any case, since I have now successfully thrown a lavish pity party for myself, I should really move onto the real reason I felt compelled to write this story.

To begin I should explain that I believe God speaks to everyone in different ways. I have heard many stories about people who have clearly heard God speak to them; that in a time of stillness or even desperation they have heard Him. But I think that in most cases, God uses much more mysterious, indirect ways to speak to us. This certainly is the case for me. Perhaps this is because I find it very hard to be still and listen (something I know I need to learn to do) or perhaps it’s deeper than that. Perhaps it is because God cherishes the beauty of His creation so much that he uses the stillness of the morning breeze and the warmth of the afternoon sun to speak to us. And that He values relationships so much that he uses people to speak to us. It seem as though he brings both unfamiliar and familiar people into our lives to bless us, challenge us and force us to dig deep into our own blackness in order to discover our inner poverty. In my case God has worked through a simple thing like a spider bite to expose many hidden things from deep inside me. Unexpectedly, He has uncovered my brokenness; my insecurities; my selfishness. Not to intentionally bring pain upon me, but to instead bring forth healing and personal reconciliation. Knowing this doesn’t make it easy…it is a huge, painful struggle for me…but at least I can work through it knowing I am surrounded by more love and compassion than I could have ever asked for. At least I know that experiences such as these will only shape me into the woman I was created to be. And that when I can learn to fully accept the incredible gift of grace and unconditional love which has been bestowed upon me, that I will finally truly be able to love and serve others in a way we are all called to.

-a