a changed life

Many of you who know us well know that we have a dear friend and sister here in South Africa.  We met this young girl, Phumla, in 2009 when we were first working in the Youth Program in Masoyi.  For three months we worked to build a relationship with this 17 year old girl and when it came time to leave we all cried as we didn’t know if we would see each other again.  But of course, as you all know Tyler and I did return to Africa and when we did we made sure we reconnected with her.  As Tyler mentioned in our last blog, Phumla, by the grace of God, has begun to study theology and Nursing in January at ASM Bible college across the street from us.

 

I can’t explain how my heart swells at even the thought of Phumla becoming a nurse.  It’s crazy, I just can’t stop smiling…we were like gushing parents on the first day of school, embarrassing her like my parents used to when they gushed over me as a teenager.

 

Now having Phumla just steps away from us, we have the privilege to have lunch with her, visit her on campus and give her hugs when she comes up to say hello.  In this time we have grown even closer to Phumla than ever before.  At the same time, we have also begun to see even clearer the incredible challenges she faces and the burden of pain she carries.  You see, Phumla has always had a strong wall up around her which prevented us from getting in really deep with her.  Over the years, she had told us bits and pieces from her past, but we never felt comfortable to push her to tell us more.  All we knew to do was to do our best to get to know her, show her we cared for her and loved her and supported her when she needed it.  We did what any friend would do…

So as time went on, Phumla grew in maturity and all of a sudden when we returned in 2013, she had turned into this beautiful woman who had the desire to know God on a deeper, more personal level.  This was a huge answer to prayer for Tyler and I as we knew she often held God at a distance.  She was beyond excited to start at ASM and was ready to jump in with both feet.  And she has.  Now six weeks in, we accepted an invitation from Phumla to come and listen to her share her “story” to her class.  I have to admit, I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to hear.  Tears fell from Phumla’s eyes before a word was even spoken…and what followed caused me to weep with both sorrow and joy.  This young woman, who I had known for 4 years, stood in front of us and told a story saturated with loss, abuse, neglect, pain and rejection – it was a story I couldn’t believe was hers.  She began to speak of an alcoholic, absent mother and a father who only came home from Johannesburg twice a year.  She spoke of her, a young girl of only 10 years, being forced to care for siblings because there was no one else to do it.  From there she explained how her mother died in a tragic car accident leaving Phumla with no time to grieve and even more responsibility.  Her 2 older step brothers offered no help to Phumla and only increased her burden with their bad behaviour inside and outside the house.  Only a couple years later, Phumla’s father came home very sick.  Phumla was in grade 10 at this point, right in the middle of her exams.  Shirking all their responsibility, Phumla’s step-bothers left her to care for their dying father.  Most nights Phumla found herself bathing her Father and taking him to the bathroom whenever he called for help.  At one point she explained that she struggled to even hold onto him because when she touched his bloated body, his skin would come off into her hands.  Completely overwhelmed and devastated Phumla would cry out to God to take her father because she couldn’t do it anymore.  That year she failed her class and lost her father.  Only a short time later her one step brother hung himself, while the other raped Phumla’s younger sister right in front of her.  Although he denied it, Phumla’s aunt knew that the girls could no longer stay in that house with their bother and she took them in.  Now caring for 7, her aunt struggled, but managed to pay for Phumla to finish her grade 12.  But after her husband passed away, things worsened.  Even today Phumla’s aunt is often sick leaving Phumla to care for the family including raising her sister’s two year old daughter.  Making ends meet is really tough and often Phumla’s aunt can’t even help her with lunch or taxi fares to get to school.  At this point in her story, Phumla pauses to catch her breath and looks at us.  Both of us were trembling, trying to hold back tears.  The she says “I don’t know why God took away my parents.  But I stand her today and am able to thank him because He gave me two new parents, Tyler and Alicia.  I would not be here, doing this, if it wasn’t for them.  I love them and thank God for them.”

 

We were beyond words.  We never thought we had done anything spectacular or special.  All we did was be who we are…Phumla has said we have changed her life, but she has changed ours and we will never be the same.

-a