christmas time is here

Merry Christmas!

Having just spent the last two months away, it is really nice to be back home in South Africa. That said, our last two weeks in Kabwe, while crazy busy and exhausting, were quite amazing. We had dinners, a big luncheon with the whole service centre staff and their families, and even a morning of maize farming with Lawrence and his children…the latter being something I really truly enjoyed. There was just such an incredible sense of satisfaction that came from feeling the cool earth beneath my bare feet as I dropped maize kernels into the damp soil…kernels which in just months, maize would be harvested, dried and ready to be pounded into mealie meal. The experience really sparked a desire in both Tyler and I to one day have our own garden.

But as I said, we are now back home with our friends whom I missed dearly, and feel so blessed to be able to catch up with them over this Christmas holiday. Plus we made it home in time to be apart of the delivery of Pragcidence and Levy’s little girl, Taonga (meaning “thankyou God” in Chichewa). Born on December 23rd this little one has already found her way into our hearts and has certainly caused Tyler and I to think more about that “stage” in our lives.

As for Christmas, I can’t deny that it just doesn’t quite feel like a “real” Christmas when it is 30 degrees outside and there isn’t a Christmas tree in sight, but I have come to terms with the fact that it is just a different kind of Christmas. No less beautiful, just different. That said, we (Tyler and I and about 10 others who didn’t return home for the holiday) still managed to recreate many of our family Christmas traditions…we had a full appetizer spread on Christmas eve, turkey with all the fixings, stockings and even Christmas carols on Christmas day. It was a day of swimming, cooking, skyping with family, eating until we almost burst, and staying up late due to a very competitive game of Dutch Blitz. It was awesome. You can click on the link below to check out more pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.com/taralph.africa/ChristmasTimeIsHere#

Plus there is still a week of holiday left! A week which I am so excited for because it will really be a time of relaxation and fun. We actually head out tomorrow with another couple to spend some time in the Drakensburg Mountains and Durban…mmmmm the land of delicious Indian food! We’ll fill you in when we get back…hope you all have a good New Years. Lots of love…
-a

Thunderstorms

We have been in Zambia for 6 weeks now and while we have had some challenging times (inevitable due to the nature of the work we do here – often misunderstandings and difficulties arise when you are learning to adapt to a different culture and way of doing things) we have had many blessed times and feel so at home with our Zambian family. We have grown and learned so much that I actually wouldn’t ever take back any of the difficulties we experienced. It has not only strengthened us but it also made really appreciate the uncomplicated times…times like the 4 days that we had with Blessings and Towela, the coordinators of the service center in Kitwe.

We had just come out of one of one of those trying situations when we set the time to spend the weekend in Kitwe. Tyler stayed with Blessings (a young guy, soon to be married) while I stayed with Towela and her family.

Towela has been married to Henry for 21 years now and they have four children of their own, ranging from the ages of 8-19, as well as a fifth, Rose who is 13. Rose lost both her parents as a young girl and instead of being embraced by her sister and grandmother, was neglected and abused. Towela met Rose a few years back when she was a care worker in the township of Mulenga. Immediately she began to advocate for this girl and care for her at a distance. But when time past and nothing got better, Towela and her husband took her in as one of their own. Timid and shy, Rose also touched me when I met her. She has the sweetest smile, one which speaks much louder than words. One which instantly elicits the recipient of the grin, to also break into a huge smile. Tana, Towlea’s sister, also lives with the family in their two bedroom house. That brings the count up to 7, 8 including me. When shown my room, one shared with Tana and Rose, it was clear that one, or two people had given up their bed for me. This family was nothing less than amazing. So loving, respectful, generous, giving, sacrificial…most of the time I felt like a queen. Whether it was Tina insisting on doing my laundry or scrubbing my sandals clean, or Towela serving me coffee on a silver tray while the boys offered to iron my clothes and Chimwemwe combed my hair, daily I was blessed in some way. But the most inspiring thing about this family was that they live this way every day. Every day they serve each other with love. They actually live out who Jesus calls us to be…humble servants. There is such beauty in the simplicity of this kind of attitude.

By the time Friday night came, I felt like part of the family. We had just finished a light supper when the most spectacular storm I have ever seen came out of nowhere. Now, as a child, I used to be so scared of thunderstorms. As soon as I heard the first boom of thunder and saw a streak of lightening, I would bury my head under the covers and pray that the tree beside my brother’s window wouldn’t fall over and crush our house. But as I grew older that fear disappeared, and in its place a love and fascination for these storms developed. Unfortunately the weather Westcoast doesn’t offer much of these remarkable displays of nature, so I would get my “fix” when travelling to places like Thailand, Toronto, South Africa and most currently, Zambia. Now it is the latter where I have witnessed more thunderstorms in 3 weeks than I have in a lifetime. And this storm was by far the best. Massive bolts of lightning lit the dark sky as the thunder boomed overhead. The rain hadn’t started to fall yet, so a crowd of us (minus Towel, who afraid of storms, buried her head under some pillows) stood out on the street to take in the brilliant display. I was like a little kid at the zoo…mouth open, ohhing and awwing at every streak of lightning that appeared to hit the earth. I was so animated my hosts couldn’t help but giggle at me. It was a good night.

The last day, still without electricity (the storm had knocked out all power the night before) I cooked a maasive pot of Jambalya for the family outside over a coal brazier. There was something so special about that night. The lack of electricity only added to the beauty of the evening. It seemed to quiet the noise and evoke deep conversation, laughter, singing, dancing and fellowshipping. I felt as though we were being bound to this family in a unique, indescribable way. I thank God for that weekend as it brought about redemption, healing, joy and rest for both Tyler and I.

The beauty of Zambia

More pictures posted on our Picasa page...take a peak into our life in Zambia

We’ve been in Zambia for about 3 weeks now. Either we are getting used to the heat or the start of the rains has begun to cool things down. We do a lot of walking here. Every day to and from the office, sometimes a few trips each day. We have already had some challenging times here. Sometimes a minor miscommunication can lead to a big blow up. But things seem to big back on track.
The people of Zambia are incredible. I love walking the streets and saying hi to everyone we pass. Yesterday we went for a jog in the morning. Everyone is looking at us as we run, we stand out. At one point we were running past a young boy on his way to school, he was maybe 10 years old. And after I thought we passed him I looked beside me, and he is running alongside us. He was no idea who we are, just wanted to jog with us. Where else in the world do you see that. When we go out into the community you might just be walking with some care workers and when you turn around there are like 20 children following you. They love to yell out “Mizungu” when they see you, which means white person and sometimes they just go crazy. Kids will say “How are you?” then you say, “Fine. How are you?” and they say “Fine” and they laugh hysterically.
I got an SMS last night that my Uncle Kevin passed away. That is the last message you are expecting when you are sitting in Zambia. I can’t stop thinking about the family. Uncle Kevin loved to laugh and joke and I will miss that. My thoughts are all in Victoria right now. These are the times it is so difficult to be on the other side of the world. I wish I could be there to support my family. There is a lot of down time here to just sit and think. Sometimes that can be a challenge. We love you all and miss you.

-T

Back in Zambia

We are back in Zambia...the country which stole our hearts the moment we landed last year. And it is incredible! Just like we remembered. Although this time it is super hot.

It has been a little bit of an adjustment for us as living is much more “rustic” than South Africa in the sense that there are much less amenities and much more bugs/cockroaches etc. The grocery stores are quite limited in their selection (and super expensive – especially produce); the water is undrinkable; showers are few and far between – bathtubs with only cold water are all the rage and this makes washing my very long hair a challenge, and there are a plethora of bugs, flies and other critters to keep you company day and night.

BUT...it is worth it because the people more than make up for that. Everyone is so hospitable, friendly and giving. How can we not love it here?
That said, I am not going to lie and pretend it is easy. It's not. Every expereince stretches me emotionally, spiritually and physically. In any case, I really can’t complain because I am living like a queen in comparison to thousands for children here. I am humbled each time I walk into a community and see how hard life is for so so many. It makes me really examine myself and my situation. If those living in such desperate situations can radite such joy then why can't I? Each moment I spend with the people here makes me see life differently.

It is a perspective which I pray I will never loose. I thank God each day for allowing me to be here and grow in such a way.

Photos from Stew and Heather's Visit

Coffee in Kruger Park

On the Beach in St. Lucia

Bulembu, Swaziland

Visiting the Cresh in Masoyi Community

Playing with the children in Siphemandle

Just a few pictures from Tyler's Parent's visit...see more on our Picasa Site: http://picasaweb.google.ca/home

Parents Trip

A few days ago was the end of my parents time in Africa. It was a hard day saying goodbye. It's funny how 5 months spent here goes by in a flash, but when you think about being away from family for another 7 months is seems like a long time.
We did a lot while my parents were here. We visited friends, did home visits, went into Kruger Park, Blyde River Canyon, Shangana Village, into Swaziland, community stay, went to St. Lucia and swam in the Indian Ocean. What an incredible time!
I know my parents were deeply challenged during their time here. We had some tough moments, but I really believe they are all the better for it. It hurt me to see them struggle, but in the end I think it was a good thing. Something that opened their eyes. Sometimes we all need a push. It's not easy to break out of our routines that govern our daily lives. When we are forced to break out, our mind wrestles with itself. You are terrified and left to ask silly questions and try to rationalize your own thoughts in your head. But we grow.
I feel so proud that my parents took that step. Of their 35 years together this was their first real trip. It's hard for me to fathom how challenging it must have been. I lay here wishing now that I could go knock on their door to just talk or play crib. There was a lot of crib playing while they were here. I miss them already. My Dad always says that Ralph's don't do good with goodbyes and it's true I struggle. What a life changing time and an incredible time.

-T

Journal Excerpts

June 4th - I was running this morning. It was early and the morning fog still hung lightly over the dam beside the ASM campus. The sun was rising slowly over Masoyi but the winter chill continued to hold my hands in its grip. I rounded the corner of the field where the trees arch beautifully over what used to be an airstrip; and it was then these words flooded my mind: “Set your sights on the Lord Jesus and He will prepare the way.” This has been such a theme for me! It is like God is gently nudging me; telling me to look to the future…not with anxiety and worry, but with a sense of excitement and peace. And as I looked through the trees, an image of Jesus standing between the rows of trees was imprinted on my heart. It is an image I can still see now. A reminder that God knows…He has a plan for me and all I need to remember is to walk WITH Him. I need to set my sights on Him, trusting Him with an open heart and a willing spirit.

Later that morning, at our usually Monday Prayer meeting, God continued to speak to me. He put a heavy challenge on my heart. A challenge that I know I need to take on. He spoke to me about the upmost importance of our HEARTS. That we often want to lead with our minds and our hands when instead we must lead with our hearts! That in order for the Holy Spirit to fill us and for God to work effectively through us, we have to be willing to be completely vulnerable. We have to break open the door and smash down the walls surrounding our hearts. We have to open our hearts SO wide so that He can come in. This hit me with such conviction, tears rolled down my face and I knelt down on the ground. There has been a strong wall around my heart. One created by fear, self-rejection, anger and frustration…all the things that have prevented me from becoming intimate with God. I prayed and I will continue to pray that that wall will be broken down. That I will be willing to fail! Willing to have my heart broken because that is the only way Christ can fill me with all the joy, love and beauty he desires. I prayed that I would be His vessel. That His abundant blessings bestowed on me will be used to BLESS Him; to BLESS others. That I will lead with my heart; not my mind or my body.

June 8th – Laid in the grass tonight, just starring at the expanse of stars above me. Thought about my parents. How blessed I am. I have everything and yet I give so little. I give the easy things; the extras but never the things I hold close to me. I want to live radically generous. My money is not mine but the Lord’s, so why can I not let it go? To use it to bless others. In my heart I want to, but I never know “how much” or “to what.” So I lay there and prayed. A prayer that I hope will be on repeat. For a tongue which speaks words of love. For a heart filled with Jesus. I want to hear the Lord. I want to be a good steward, an obedient child. I want the “sad” feelings I have for the brokenness here to be deeper than that. I want my heart to break so that the Lord can really use me and all He’s blessed me with to bless Him back.

A day in the life…

The day begins much like any other. I wake up just before sunrise and step out of our room into the warm morning breeze. I stand for a moment, eyes closed against the orange glow of the sun, thankful that this morning lacks the typical winter chill of previous mornings. It is already 6:30 so I grab my yoga mat and scurry to the front “veranda” of the village. Within a few minutes, my fellow exercisers: Busie, Jayme and Kristal join me for some sunrise PSL (pray, stretch, love). This is always a special time in my day because not only do I get to strengthen and stretch my body, but I get to do it with the most beautiful view in front of me and the most wonderful company of women beside me. After completing our routine and praying for the day ahead, we disband knowing we will see each other again at some point throughout the day (that is the thing about community living/working).

Knowing I have a lot to do, I quickly grab my shower stuff and shuffle barefoot across the cold brick path to the ladies bathroom that I share with the other women living at Hands Village (currently Ty and I live in “dorm/hostel style” flat. We have our own bedroom, but share a bathroom and kitchen with many other volunteers from around the world. You can see what I am talking about in the video). After throwing on some clothes and a headband to keep my wild hair out of my face…the calcium and such in the brownish coloured dam water we shower in, has made my hair do some crazy things… I quickly make the bed (to keep out the creepy crawlies) and head into the kitchen. I give a quick hello to Steven, our resident Aussie, and set to making a stack of dutch pannekoek for our small group potluck breakfast. (Small group is something we do every Wednesday morning. Everyone who is involved with Hands is a part of a small group. It is a really beautiful time of learning and getting to know each other better as “family.” Our small group is the best, partly because Carolyn serves up real coffee…such a treat when instant coffee is the norm.)

After breaky I pass by my room to collect my computer and other work stuff before heading down the hill to the office. The office we work in is not really like offices at home so you will have to use your imagination for this next part. Envision this: a simple building with a few rooms separated by doors. Inside are some tables, desks, chairs and many wires strewn along the walls (some for electricity and some for Internet access). The roof is made of corrugated iron and is very often plagued with hyper monkeys who are scampering around making an incredible racket. Now don’t get me wrong, the office may be makeshift, but it does the job. We have electricity…most of the time, Internet… most of the time and laughter…all of the time (a necessity for me as I can get quite overwhelmed and challenged by the work I am involved in).

In any case, this is the place that I will spend the next 7 or so hours of my day. I will either be in meetings or on my computer doing project support for our team in Zambia. Now this part that is so hard to explain. The best thing I can do to answer the question "What do you actually do?" is to encourage you to go to follow this link to the Hands at Work website : http://www.handsatwork.org/our-response/ . This will give you a good idea of the BIG picture of how Hands works. As for more specifically, all I can say is that I help our "partners" (i.e. the community based organizations) put their “dreams” of how they want to care for the orphaned and vulnerable children in their communities onto paper in a proposal format for a potential donor. I also help to support them in writing reports and some other stuff that is hard to explain. Now I won’t lie, this kind of work is way out of my comfort zone and I often get frustrated and feel like I have no idea what I am doing...but I know in my heart that this is where I need to be and because He sees the bigger picture, that's all that matters.

After work, Jayme and I pack up our things and go on a walk up the dusty dirt road that runs in front of Hands Village. It is such a stunning road to walk, especially if the sun is rising or setting. Today the sky is a multitude of colours and the air smells of burning grass (mass amounts of land are burned during the winter months here). Running and walking this road with Jayme or Tyler is one of my favorite things to do. It always allows time for great conversation, reflection, and worship.

Just as the sun settles down behind Masoyi again, I give Jayme a big huge goodbye and set off to prepare dinner. As I walk into the kitchen I am greeted by Kristal who is already halfway through cooking her supper. I pull out a cutting board and sneakily snag my favorite knife from Kristal’s prep area. Although the kitchen can sometimes get super chaotic when there are a lot of volunteers living at the village, I love embracing opportunities like this one to catch up with a friend as we cook our suppers side-by-side (you know me, I love to cook and love it even more when I can do it in the company of people I care about). Just as I light the gas stove (yup, gas!) Ty joins me and offers to help. Together we make Indian curry and roti. By the time we finish eating and washing the dishes, I am exhausted so I head back to our room to do some reading before falling asleep to the sounds of crickets.

For Her

For Her

The things we often take for granted at home. A roof over our heads, a warm bed to crawl into, a safe haven to escape the struggles of life...it is these simple things that these children don't have and it will only take a small bit from YOU to provide it for them. Just click on the link (For Her) to donate any amount.

Thank you in advance for opening your hearts and your hands to this family.

Pictures From the Eastern Cape

From Movies

It was 3 months of being in Africa before I really picked up my camera to take pictures. I don't know if it was because I took so many last time we were here that I was subconsciously afraid of adding to the mound that is currently sitting in our computer or what, but the minute I felt the weight of a beautiful Canon SLR in my hands, I couldn't put it down (my girlfriend Jayme was so wonderful to generously let me use her camera when she learned I had forgotten mine).

Our time away was the first since we have arrived in South Africa and we had a fabulous trip. Even the loooong drive was beyond our expectations. The hours actually flew by because of great company and even greater conversation, plus the scenery was stunning. I can't describe just how beautiful and diverse South Africa is. Each province has its own uniqueness and I never lost interest in the 17 hours that we drove. Once we had arrived our time of fellowship didn't stop, it only grew to include Busie's family, her family's family and family's family family (if you know what I mean). We had a jam packed two days of singing, cooking, cleaning, chatting and tea drinking (I have never drank so much Marsala tea with full-fat milk in my life...thanks to Jackie, Jayme and I are now addicted!) The trip was certainly a huge highlight for me, well for all of us and it will be a time that I wil never forget.

These pictures document my return behind the lens during our 4 day trip from Nelspruit to the Eastern Cape.

"Escape to the Cape"

Last weekend we took a trip down to the Eastern Cape. There were 6 of us from Hands at Work, me and 5 ladies, eesh. One of our friends here (Busie) had her sister pass away in an accident so we went down to support her. It took us 17hrs one way, to drive there, but every inch was incredible.
The drive down through the mountains of the Eatern Cape blew my mind. The beautifully coloured houses perched on the mountain side, the rolling mountains, and the way the sun hits the land.
When we got close, Busie and Stephen (another friend from Hands at Work) had driven out to meet up with us in the nearest town, to show us the rest of the way. Everyone was so excited to be there, and Busie was overwhelmed to see us in the area of what she calls "my people". So we got ready to follow them, but Stephen stopped to get gas. Busie took that chance to run over to our car and just talk with us a bit more while we waited. Right as she stood by our window, we hear a huge thump, and look over to see a man flying in the air as a truck hit him. It was devastating, especially for Busie. You see that is how Busie's sister passed away, she was crossing the road and got hit by a taxi. We stayed and did what little we could, a traffic cop happened by and said there would be no ambulance coming. I thought he was dead right away, but he started to move. He was badly mangled, and I won't get into anymore detail than that. No one said a word for the rest of the ride back to the Busie's family house. It was terrible, we felt horrible for Busie.
We managed to get past that and had an amazing time with Busie's "people". They were so inviting, we experienced a lot to do with the Xhosa culture, the funeral, slaughetering a sheep, all kinds of things. Ok Ok I didn't actually see the sheep being slaughtered, but disemboweled. We met amazing people. Let's just say that Alicia, Me, Stephen and Jayme were the only white people out of 300, so we stood out a little bit. The family made us feel so welcome and they let us be involved in all kinds of things. Their neighbour gave up his home, so us visitors would have a place to stay. We slept in his bed, and he slept out on the couch. Such generosity is really inspiring.
On the Sunday we took a trip to the beach, it was refreshing. It sounds cliche but to have my feet in the sand and the water washing over them was incredible. Made me miss home.
The whole experience was so amazing; the sights, the culture, the food and the people. It's hard to put it into words. I feel all the more blessed for having experienced such a different culture and being a part of everything.

~T

eesh...it has been too long

For the past three weeks I have had this voice inside me saying "you need to blog...it has been too long...come on Alicia, just write something..." and for three weeks I have tried to ignore it because I I feel like I have nothing to write about. It's not that we haven't been busy, but I guess I just have felt like there has been nothing exciting to report.

Until the other day...July 18th...the day I drove! Now I know what most of you will say, but trust me, it is momentous for me and I couldn't stop smiling after my "moment." It felt so good to be independent. The only thing that has stopped me thus far has been my inability to drive a manual. And since most cars here are manuals, I haven't had the opportunity to drive...Until now because one of our friends got an automatic (yay Dave!)

But of course that is only part of the story. Driving may have been a highlight, but in South African words, the real highlight highlight (the repeated word is for emphasis) was where I drove, and who I drove.

The story goes like this...After finding out that 2 of our close friends from the community - Phumla and Modise - passed their mid-year grade 12 exams, Ty and I decided that we had to celebrate by taking them out for a pizza lunch (complete with chocolate for desert...such a treat!)because passing was a HUGE deal. You have to understand. Literally everything goes against the kids in the community. These two girls in particular have almost no support at home because they have lost 1 or both of their parents and now head up their households. They go to a school that has so few resources and so few dedicated teachers that it is nearly impossible to meet governmental standards of passing (you actually only need 40% to pass in a community school which sounds great on paper, but in actuality really hurts the kids because they are so under prepared for university when and if the time comes)...and that is only scratching the surface.

In any case, these two incredible girls have overcome such odds because they have set their minds on greater things. They have made goals and one by one are achieving them. We couldn't be prouder when we hear how hard they are studying and how much they are investing in their futures. I can't express how much joy it brings me to hear these girls talk about becoming counsellors or nurses...they inspire me beyond words and I am so blessed to call them my sisters.

-a

Update

So as of now Alicia and I have celebrated more anniversaries in Africa than at home. On June 23'rd we had our 3 year. We went to a world cup game that night. It was incredible. The atmosphere, stadium, crowds and the bus rides. It was Australia vs Serbia and turned out to be a great game, 2:1 for Aussie. We have been spending a lot of time watching the other games on TV with people and it has been a great chance to bond.

We recently found out my parents have booked tickets to come out to South Africa for the end of September and we are extrememly excited. Now we're busy planning what we want to do while they're here.

I can't believe we have been here for 2 months. The time flies here and I get glimpses of how fast this year is going to go. I try to take my time and really take in the experience, so it's not something that just hits me on the plane ride home. The quietness of where we are really has a way of slowing you down. At first coming from the west it feels isolating and boring at times. Then you come to love and cherish the quietness. A chance to reflect. It makes me scared to go back home. To fall into the same old routines again. Life is short and that's why I should be acknolweding the experience right infront of me. Taking time so slow down my pace. The Western world is result driven and here in Africa it's relationship driven. There has to be a way to find a happy medium if nothing else.
Africa has changed me, and I see that can make some people uncomfortable, but I can't deny it. I have new role models, new ideas and a new perspective. I've been challenged. I feel more like who I was meant to be and what I was meant to be doing. If it feels more fitting it must be the right direction, right? I love what is happening and embrace it. While those on the surface might not notice the change, I feel it deep inside. It's true when people say we could be doing volunteer work anywhere, and I'm sure I will carry on back home, but I love Africa. I feel a huge debt to Africa, Hands at Work, friends, family and my amazing wife. It isn't easy to pick up and move across the world, but the support of everyone makes it possible. Thank you, we love and miss everyone at home.

-T

A call to prayer

The World Cup starts today and while there are a lot of positive things happening in South Africa because of it, there is also a huge opening for a lot of scary things to happen. I just recently read a World Cup security brief article (written after a meeting held at the Consular section) that made me very aware of some of these "scary things."
Below is an excerpt from the article that struck me hard and broke my heart:

"For those with children the World Cup is going to be a particularly bad time for child abductions. In South Africa there are 15 abductions/kidnappings every day and they see this as a crime which will get out of hand over the World Cup period. Human trafficking gangs know that the schools are all on holiday over the tournament. They will target shopping malls, cafes, cinemas, public toilets and toy departments in shops. The SA authorities estimate that approx 300,000 Africans will come over the borders for the tournament. The borders will not be able to cope with the surge and checks will be cursory in most cases. Babies will be abducted for scrupulous adoption agencies in Nigeria and the like. Children aged 4-8 will be targeted for the porn industry. Those children around 9 – 13 for prostitution."

It's clear. Human trafficking is very real. Here in Africa, but also around the world. It is a horrific, repulsive and grossly violating practice which is "justified" by the market that demands it. Now please understand I am not bringing your attention to this to bring upon discouragement, despair or worry, but instead my hope is that you will be moved and encouraged to pray fervently against it. Pray for the woman and children who will be targeted. Pray for those who drive the market - the traffickers and the "customers" - that their eyes will be opened to the truth and their hearts will face fierce conviction.

We serve a powerful and mighty God who can move mountains and part waters...certainly he will hear the unified prayers of his people.

by prayer and petition

"If we want to be able to love, we must be able to pray."

- Mother Theresa

I have been learning a lot about prayer and petition over the past month. About the power of prayer; about the importance of leaving everything I have at the foot of the cross...all my fears, insecurities, my need for control over today and tomorrow, my unforgiveness, my frustration, my hopes. And to honestly have faith that God hears my prayers. To honestly know that he loves to talk with me...after all that is essentially what prayer is. It is a conversation with God. It is our way of building a relationship with Him. We are His children; I am His child and He desires nothing more than to breathe life into my soul through times of prayer.

Many of the revelations I have been having has been spoken to me through Mother Theresa's book "No Greater Love." Ty and I are currently reading through it together, and I have been touched immensely by her words in the first chapter. She has such an incredibly eloquent way of talking about prayer that I thought instead of trying to explain what I've read, I would instead share some of the quotes I marked down in my journal.

"Just once let the love of God take entire and absolute possession of your heart; let it become to your heart like second nature; let your heart suffer nothing contrary to enter; let it apply itself to continually increase this love of God by seeking to please Him in all things and refusing Him nothing; let it accept as from His hand everything that happened to it; let it have a firm determination never to commit any fault deliberately and knowingly or, if it should fail, to be humbled and to rise up again at once - and such a heart will pray continually."

Now read it again. Slowly. Take the time to let the words resonate in your heart because what she is saying to do, is by no means an easy task. For me, I think it might take me my entire life before I will be able to really do this...but i promise to try.

She then moves on to speak about the significance of taking the time to be silent in our prayers. For "in silence we will find new energy and true unity...we need silence to be able to touch souls."

Again a huge challenge for me! For as most of you know, I find it hard to be still...plus, I like so much to talk...I even chose a career that allows me to talk all day :) But, that is not an excuse. I KNOW that now I must begin to practice being silent. How else will I be able to hear?

So that brings me to my final thoughts, which will again be the words of Mother Theresa...

"In the silence of the heart God speaks and you have to listen. Then it is in the fullness of your heart, because it is full of God, full of love, full of compassion, full of faith, your mouth will speak and God listens."

- a

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

There is something lost in my pursuit for material possessions when I'm at home. It's a concept I was born into, in the western world, to want the best of everything. To have a big house and beautiful cars is my main goal and proves I am not a failure. The society I grew up in teaches me to work hard and look after myself. I don't work hard to hand over my money to someone else. I don't have to worry about Steve's problems, because I have my own stuff to think about. Steve will worry about himself and I'll worry about me.

Radical generosity was such a foreign concept to me and why wouldn't it be? Look how we grow up. It goes against everything I have known since I was little to give so much. To invest not just my money, but my time into strangers. I do not claim to be radically generous now, because I have truly seen what that means. I only claim that I have been changed, and although there is still a struggle internally, I feel that something holding me back has snapped and it feels unbinding. To let go of wanting the best house, car or whatever, opens me up to so much. In a previous blog I said that Africa is good for my soul. I've come to recognize that all these possessions that I hold onto are not what should be driving me. The poorest people in Africa have little possessions so other things claim their attention. Like family, friends, togetherness and relationships. Through my time here I have identified a part of my soul that has been missing. Although I may have thought that I was coming to Africa to be a helper, it was me who was also helped.

Learning how to let go and truly give of myself has been amazing. To let my heart be broken by people, who up until I let them, had no baring on my life. I am not preaching at anyone, but only unloading my thoughts onto this blog. Maybe others are going through the same thing, or like me before I came to Africa, never had these thoughts cross their mind. There are always reasons we have to not give, but the real challenge is to recognize when they are excuses.

-T

Just thinking

It's the first really rainy day we've had since being in Africa and it's a Sunday so there has been a lot of time to reflect.
Yesterday I went into Masoyi and picked up a few of the kids from the After School Program we taught last year. We haven't had much time to visit them so far so I thought I would bring them back to our place on a Saturday. We went down to the field and played some soccer, it was exciting. Such an easy way to re-connect with the guys. In the middle of the game I can't stop thinking how good it is to be back. They go ape for the pool, so they had a chance to swim in the pool. The water was freezing and the day was cold, but they didn't care. After that I drove them to see the Sprinkbok and Zebra that were on this huge farm just down the road. The grass at the farm had just been cut and the animals were wandering near to the fence. Then back to our place for some PB & J sandwiches and a little James Bond. They loved the action movie. All in all it was an amazing time.
After all this something has not been sitting right with me ever since. I don't know what it is. Originally it was just supposed to be 3 of us and then a couple more kids ended up inviting themselves along. That's fine, I guess I was just hoping to have a time for connecting with a few of them at once. Also I know they were hoping that I would cook, but I was already running around crazy organizing this day for them and didn't really have the time. So I don't know if maybe I just felt a little under appreciated. The day was still amazing, but somehow part of it was a little bitter sweet. I just hope they enjoyed it as much as I did, sometimes they are hard to read.

~T

A Quote

This is such an amazing quote it really spoke to me. I hope that you will take the time to not just read it, but really understand it.

“Therefore I shall devote myself, my time, my energy, my talents, to the service of South Africa. I shall no longer ask myself if this is expedient, but only if it is right. I shall do this not because I am noble or unselfish, but because life slips away, and because I need for the rest of my journey a star that will not play false to me, a compass that will not lie. I shall do this, not because I am a negrophile and a hater of my own, but because I cannot find it in me to do anything else. I am lost when I balance this against that, I am lost when I ask if this is safe, I am lost when I ask if men, white men or black men, Englishmen or Afrikaners, Gentiles or Jews, will approve. Therefore I shall try to do what is right, and to speak what is true.
I do this not because I am courageous and honest, but because it is the only way to end the conflict of my deepest soul. I do it because I am no longer able to aspire to the highest with one part of myself and to deny it with another. I do not wish to live like that, I would rather die than live like that. I understand better those who have died for their convictions, and have not thought it was wonderful or brave or noble to die. They died rather than live, that was all.
Yet it would not be honest to pretend that it is solely an inverted selfishness that moves me. I am moved by something that is not my own, that moves me to do what is right at whatever cost it may be. In this I am fortunate that I have married a wife who thinks as I do, who has tried to conquer her own fears and hates. Aspiration is thus made easy. My children are too young to understand. It would be grievous if they grew up to hate me or fear me, or to think of me as a betrayer of those things that I call our possessions. It would be a source of unending joy if they grew up to think as we do. It would be exciting, exhilarating, a matter of thanksgiving. But it cannot be bargained for. It must be given or withheld, and whether the one or the other, it must not alter the course that is right.”
~Written by the character Arthur Jarvis
The Novel: Cry, The Beloved Country written by Alan Paton, pg 208

-T

Things that make you go hmmm...

I have never really liked spiders. They are hairy, sneaky little buggers who like to hide in corners and under sheets, just waiting to skitter out to make you jump. Canadian, Africa, Asian, big, small…they are all the same…unpleasant. And until 4 days ago, that’s just how I saw them. They have never really harmed me, so I had no reason to hate them. That has all changed now. My distaste for spiders has regrettably moved on to be pure hatred. Now I know that I should love all things in God’s creation, but how can I have love for something which has left me with what it feels like to be a golf-ball sized lump on my bottom. Yes that’s right. I got bit by a spider, and of all places that he could have bit me, he (I am convinced it’s a male because certainly a female wouldn’t induce this much pain on another female) chose my bum. That nice fleshy piece of the body that most of us never really think about…sure we complain about its size and shape, but how often do we actually think about how much we use our bums? I now am very aware that every time we sit, we sit on our bums. And when that bum is compromised, say by a giant, very sore spider bite, we realize how in debt we are to our bums. To make matters worse, this all happened (without my knowledge) right before our weekend stay in the community, nice huh?

In any case, since I have now successfully thrown a lavish pity party for myself, I should really move onto the real reason I felt compelled to write this story.

To begin I should explain that I believe God speaks to everyone in different ways. I have heard many stories about people who have clearly heard God speak to them; that in a time of stillness or even desperation they have heard Him. But I think that in most cases, God uses much more mysterious, indirect ways to speak to us. This certainly is the case for me. Perhaps this is because I find it very hard to be still and listen (something I know I need to learn to do) or perhaps it’s deeper than that. Perhaps it is because God cherishes the beauty of His creation so much that he uses the stillness of the morning breeze and the warmth of the afternoon sun to speak to us. And that He values relationships so much that he uses people to speak to us. It seem as though he brings both unfamiliar and familiar people into our lives to bless us, challenge us and force us to dig deep into our own blackness in order to discover our inner poverty. In my case God has worked through a simple thing like a spider bite to expose many hidden things from deep inside me. Unexpectedly, He has uncovered my brokenness; my insecurities; my selfishness. Not to intentionally bring pain upon me, but to instead bring forth healing and personal reconciliation. Knowing this doesn’t make it easy…it is a huge, painful struggle for me…but at least I can work through it knowing I am surrounded by more love and compassion than I could have ever asked for. At least I know that experiences such as these will only shape me into the woman I was created to be. And that when I can learn to fully accept the incredible gift of grace and unconditional love which has been bestowed upon me, that I will finally truly be able to love and serve others in a way we are all called to.

-a

Community Stay

It's a funny thing to do a community stay. At first we seem to hit the surface and wonder why we are with this particular family. There is a 25 year old girl and a 22 year old girl living with their 2 younger brother. They even have 2 Uncles living near by and a brother who lives right across the road. No one speaks much English and we speak very mininal Siswati, so we have to ask ourselves are these the poorest of the poor. There is no doubt that these children are poor but are they the most vulnerable? Hands at Work is dedicated to serving the most vunerable, so I thought that is where we would be.
But as I sit and write this the youngest brother who is 10 years old, Jabu, sits beside me and we aren't saying a word. We are outside looking over the unbelievable view and listening to the 25 year old sing a beautiful melody in Siswati. The only word I can pull from the song she sings is Siyabonga (thank you). One of the care workers who walked around with us flipped my perception of this family on it's head. So now the situation is this.
These 2 young double orphan boys, 10 and 15 years old, usually live alone. The 25 year old is their cousin who lives with boyfriends and only comes around to eat and take their food up to her father who is a drunk. The other Uncle near by is also a drunk and he likes to stop by the house just polluted, and you watch how quickly the boys stop laughing when he comes in. The 22 year old sister is only around sometimes, but she does help the boys with household chores. The other thing is she doesn't work so when she's there she isn't contributing food or money. The boys biggest problem is this. These boys go to school all day and then come home every day to herd goat for 4 hours. They make about $15 a month which their much older brother takes and buys himself booze and occasionally will get them some food. Usually he just shows up at dinner time and takes what they have for food. I see the boys following the same path, both are years behind in school. The older brother at 15 is in grade 5, although he doesn't look 15. There is no solid role model.
Today the careworker said that Senzo had something to tell me, but he couldn't communicate. He couldn't tell the careworker, but he wanted to open to us. The only thing stopping him is a language barrier! That is beyond frustrating, that there is someone outside his community that he could finally open up to, but not quite. This breaks my heart and for the first time since I've been back in Africa I feel my heart breaking. The stay in Spelanyane has been amazing, but I feel so unsettled....

-T

Waiting for the Shock

I think it's safe to say that the Shock of being back in Africa isn't coming. It's been a week and feels like we're back at home. For the last week we have just been doing orientation and getting back into the swing of things. I love the community feel here, it's like our second family.
The other day we went to the After School Program that we taught last year to see the kids. They were exstatic, jumping around and yelling. Last year it was so hard to say goodbye to them. This time it felt so good to see them. We have also seen so many friends that we left behind last time. Just spending time catching up with people. It's all been amazing.
We talked with George (founder of Hands at Work) on the balcony of their place looking out over the Masoyi community. The view is unbelievable and somehow compliments what he is saying. I felt something ignite inside me. Whatever doubts or insecurities I had seem to vanish and all that is left is a drive to help in whatever way I can.
Africa has such a community feel and a richness of spirit that draws you in. You can't fight it. It feels good for my soul to be back here. I look forward to diving into the work, but I am soaking up every ounce of the people, landscape and all my surroundings along the way.

-T

Under bright wings

From conception He could see the choices I would make. He knows all the intricate details of my life; from the present to the ones to come. Now it is interesting because I have always known this, yet I am still amazed when I finally relinquish control, that He goes before me and prepares the way for me.

The journey Ty and I have made back to Africa is only one example of this. Like last year, once we made the decision to go, God brought all the pieces together. Our place was rented, our car was sold, we were blessed with an abundance of work and received an incredible amount of support from the most unexpected people in our lives. Everything came together in 7 short months and so here we are. We arrived at the Hands at Work base three nights ago, and almost instantly all our last minute anxiety and “cold feet” feelings dissipated. It was like we had never left. Crazy as it sounds, it is as if the past 9 months never happened…that’s how much at home we feel. Reuniting with our extended family at Hands has been so exciting and although there are still so many unknowns, we can’t wait to see what the coming year holds for us.

-a

I can't believe its time

So here I sit. In Toronto. Our visit with the new nephew is coming to a close and I can't believe that we board the plane for Joburg in only 5 hours.
Its such a strange feeling; saying goodbye for a year. It's weird to think that the next time I see Kingsley he'll be walking; and Wyatt talking and running around; and Marina, well she'll probably be playing rock band all by herself. I know that in the grand scheme of things one year is not a long time, but part of me still feels like so much will happen while we are away. But away we go anyway....time for new adventures and experiences. Time to return "home" to Africa, to reunite with all those we left behind a year ago. Finally, with these thoughts, I am filled with the excitement and joy that has been absent during the busy times of moving and saying goodbye.

preparing to go

It feels like just yesterday that we were preparing to go to Africa for the first time, but here we are again. This time though, it feels like there is so much more to deal with before we go! Leaving for a year certainly has more "permanency" to it and my list of things "to do" just keeps growing.

As usual, I find my stress levels rising and my anxiety growing as my mind fills with questions: "who is going to rent our place?" "who can we trust?" "what about our cell phones" and on and on...and then I am reminded to just be still. To be still and listen to God. He does not want to see me living anxiously. All he wants is for me to trust him. A simple thing I seem to always struggle to do.

So here I go...again. Committing to relinquish my worries and fears to a God who loves me more than I'll ever know.