Zima Zima

I little while ago I got back from a trip to Zimbabwe.  It’s been over a year since I have been back there.  But every day I think of Zimbabwe.  I don’t think it’s a surprise that our son was given a middle name that comes from there, Tatenda, which means ‘Thank You’.  Although I was so excited to be back there my preparations were tainted by the fact that Alicia and Hayden couldn’t come.  It had been the plan for them to be a part of the trip, and it would have been their first time there, but it didn’t work out in the end with Visa issues for Hayden.

I always find it hard to reflect back on a trip like this with so many highs and lows.  Maybe I can just share a story from my time in Zim.

One day of home visits really rattled me and I can’t seem to shake it.  We visited a few homes that day, and they were all tough but the last home we visited broke my heart.  On the way out that day we passed by a grandfather who was sitting in his yard.  We tried to wave and call out to him but he gave us no response, he just looked at us.  After we visited a few other homes we stopped in to talk with this grandfather.  When we did we found out that he was almost deaf and almost blind.  We sat down to talk to him and as soon as we had finished greeting him he just started talking for half an hour with no pauses.  The person translating for me didn’t even have an opening to let me know what he was saying.  So I just sat there wondering what he was talking about and hoping he wasn’t going on for half an hour about the price of bread at the store or something like that.  When it hit me…. he just needed someone to talk to.  He was desperate to share his burdens with someone and to just have someone who cared enough to listen.  I felt so blessed that I could be part of that, but I also felt a deep pain for a man carrying so much without someone to share with. 

And when he finally took a breath the translator had a moment to catch me up.  The grandfather was sharing about his daughter who sat beside me, her name is Elizabeth. She has Downs Syndrome and is non-verbal and so we could not communicate with her.  I look at the sores on Elizabeth’s lips and the rest of her physical state and can’t help but think she is living with HIV and her family doesn’t know.  Her father shared her story about how someone in the community had raped her and the result of that was that Elizabeth had a child named Sara.  When the story was being translated for me the grandfather just looked at me through these old sad eyes and I felt crushed.  I can’t fathom why someone would take advantage of someone like Elizabeth who has no voice and no way to stand up for herself.  I can’t understand.

The grandparents in this family work in the garden for a living.  But you look at the grandfather and see a man who has severe back issues and walks so slowly that I actually can’t imagine how he is physically able to garden at all.  But the family depends on that.  Not only that but they look after their daughter who is disabled and their granddaughter Sara.  I see some of their situation but what really makes me sad is what this grandfather shares next.  He says that he lives in fear for his family, because he cannot protect Elizabeth and Sara.  He realizes how easy it is for someone to continue praying on his daughter.  It all makes me think about Sara and what she has been witness to and if the kids at school tease her about her family.  I met Sara and I saw a shy girl of about 11 years old with such hesitation, a lack of trust and fear in all that she does.

But in the area where this family lives the CBO (Community Based Organization) has just expanded.  Which means Sara is being visited by a Care Worker for the first time and is receiving support from the CBO.  I watch the Care Workers play with Sara at the Care Point and I see how free she looks.  She loses herself in the games she plays and I feel so much joy for those moments in her life where she is only worried about whether she gets tagged by the person who is “it”.  And you can see for a moment that she is far from the troubles that await her at home.

I see hope in the grandfather sharing his story and having people to unburden himself with.  He even asks when the Care Workers will come back to visit.  And I have such hope as I watch the Care Workers with Sara.  There is so much pain, anxiety and fear in this situation, but so much hope for tomorrow and such indescribable glimpses of joy.

I left Zimbabwe with hope, but I still cry for Sara and her family because the world is not fair.

~T

Fear

What command appears in the Bible more than any other command?

‘Don’t be afraid’, ‘Fear not’.

N.T. Wright talks about this commandment in his book Following Jesus:

“This surprising command bursts in upon a world in which we eat, sleep, and breathe fear.  We emerge from the warmth of the womb into the cold of the cosmos, and we’re afraid of being alone, of being unloved, of being abandoned.  We mix with other children, other teenagers, other young adults, and we’re afraid of looking stupid, of being left behind in some race that we all seem to be automatically entered for.  We contemplate jobs, and we’re afraid both that we mightn’t get the one we really want and that if we get it we mightn’t be able to do it properly; and that double fear lasts for many people all through their lives.  We contemplate marriage, and we’re afraid both that we might never find the right person and that if we do marry it may turn out to be a disaster.  We consider a career move, and are afraid both of stepping off the ladder and of missing the golden opportunity.  We look ahead to retirement, and are afraid both of growing older and more feeble and of dying suddenly.”

He goes on to say:

“We don’t like fear, but it’s the air we breathe.”

Fear is what holds us back from our potential.  When we want to strive for something but we are afraid of failing, afraid of leaving the security of what we know. 

We are afraid that in the end we will be left with nothing.

Fear strangulates our voice.  Like kids in the school yard watching a bully pick on another kid.  But we just watch.  We are too afraid the bully will turn on us and we will be the object of his wrath.

Fear stops us from standing up for people, from loving others as we should, from walking in the path God has for us and it prevents us from fully experiencing our relationship with Christ.

Growing up I was diagnosed with having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD.  Mine wasn't the kind where you are endlessly washing your hands because you feel like there are germs everywhere. But mine was more a bunch of arbitrary rituals governed by this forever present, nagging thought that if I didn't do the rituals my life would actually fall apart.  Like if I didn't put my shoes in a certain place at home that it would somehow cause someone in my family to die.  My life was controlled by fear, and although I don’t really suffer from it anymore I know that I have carried some of that pattern of fear forward with me.  When I read that passage by N.T. Wright, I thought about how many things in my life I was afraid for, my work, my relationships, my marriage, my family, my future….

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

Perfect love casts out fear.  What is a more perfect example of love than what Jesus did for us on the cross, selfless sacrifice?  Free of anger for those who persecuted him.  He said, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do”. It’s what love is supposed to be.  There is nothing cheap about it.  And if Jesus was willing to do all that for the sake of our relationship with our Father, then there is no room for doubt of His love. 

Love is the antidote to fear, and when love is perfected it has no fear.  And when we have found that, we need only to learn how to walk in it.

We are the disciples in the boat next to Jesus as he sleeps.  When the storm rolls in and we panic with fear.  We haven’t forgotten that Jesus is with us, but we have forgotten all that He is capable of.

We do not have to be hostage to our fear, but can walk in confidence that His love guides our every step.  We can lay our worries at the feet of our Father, He is in control.  At times we are still trying to steer the ship, because we forget.  

Let’s think of those things that we fear and want to let go of.  And we can then think of how the resurrection has set us free.  We have been saved by love, there is nothing to fear. 

Family Update

It is amazing how fast time flies by.  With every passing year the phrase: "time goes faster the older you are," becomes more and more true.  We even missed posting in May because the days passed us in a blur.  And to think now we are at the end of June…already!  It’s even harder to believe that it has been more than 5 years since we began our journey deep into the heart of a continent that has gripped us and captured our hearts.  And now to see that our son has lived longer here than in Canada is...well to me, is incredible. I used to dream of this as a young girl.  Waking up to the African sun, raising my children surrounded by different languages, cultures and ways of life. Not that I know, or think that this is forever, but I feel very blessed that for at least a season Hayden gets to live in a place filled with such diversity and simplicity. 

And so, as we stand half way through 2014, I thought what better time than to write a bit about how things are going for us as a family.  Let’s start with Hayden…

Hayden is now just over 8 months old and is such a busy little boy.  He is eating, crawling (he hasn't yet made it to his knees, but he is the master of the army crawl and moves like crazy across our slippery tile floors), putting everything in his mouth and jabbering away most of the day.  And while he sometimes fights his naps during the day (I think he may be like his mama and hates to miss out on the fun!) we are blessed that he sleeps very well at night.  He has 2 teeth so far (the bottom ones) and loves to chomp on carrots and apples…even when he chokes on a piece he has bitten off, he still goes back for more. 

Each day we see more of his personality developing.  Although he is still the same joyful, sweet boy he was the day he was born, having a smile for everyone, he also has developed his own stubbornness and can throw his share of temper tantrums when things don’t go his way or something is taken from him.  He is determined and loves to bang things around, making all sorts of noises and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.  We were given a walker thing (I believe they are outlawed in Canada which is a shame because they are brilliant) and Hayden has such a ball in it.  He motors around with such independence and loves finding things to pull off the shelves. He also has become very comfortable with the community of people that we live with.  There is never a shortage of people willing to play with him, carry him on their backs and take him on adventures.  I feel so blessed to have so much support and help.

That brings things to me.  In the last few months I have taken on more “work” responsibilities which has led me into the delicate balancing act of managing my work load while caring for Hayden and keeping up the house.  Some days this has been easy while others have been more difficult. Currently I am on a small team who supports Nigeria as they manage the projects that they have running on the ground in 5 communities around Lagos and Ibadan.  And while I love it, it can be tough going.  The distance from us to Nigeria is far and the cultural differences just add to the difficulties that come with working with a country that stands alone, far from Hands at Work leaders and support.  Having a strong relationship with our local office there is key, but again this can be hard to maintain when you can’t physically be together to work through the challenges and celebrate the successes.  In any case, this role certainly has its emotional days, but overall I feel honoured to be involved in supporting work which helps to bring care and love to some of the most vulnerable and forgotten children in Africa.  In addition to this, I have been asked to step in and help with the hospitality here at the Village in South Africa.  I am working with two local ladies, Agnes and Zodwa, to prepare and cater for all the teams and visitors who keep this place very busy between the months of June and October. I am trying to not get too involved with the cooking, but instead am trying to build confidence and independence in Agnes to do it herself.  I just help manage the calendar and do the shopping for all the meals that need to be prepared.  I admit this is not my most favourite role but there was a need so I stepped in to help. 

As for Tyler, he continues to do project support for Zimbabwe (doing the same thing that I do for Nigeria) and just loves it.  He has such a good relationship with Farai (our local leader there) and his team, and is eager to return to Zimbabwe to see them.  Actually, there is a trip planned for us to go as a family (finally!!) at the end of July to prepare and host a team that is coming from Canada.  The team is a group from Toronto who are supporting a community in Zimbabwe called Pimai, and have decided to come and see for themselves the work that is happening on the ground…but unfortunately, us going is on hold until Hayden’s South African Visa is approved.  We have been waiting 3 months for his visa to come in, but TIA, it has been delayed.  We still have just under a month before we need to leave so are just praying that it will come in before that. 

But what really keeps Tyler VERY busy (especially in the last couple weeks) is planning and coordinating all the teams and visitors that come to Hands at Work (this year it is over 30 teams).  He has been doing this for 3 years now, but this year he has had the extra challenge of not only coordinating everything but also doing all the detailed planning for them.  This is an enormous amount of work and how Tyler deals with the pressure, I just don’t know. I really take my hat off to him as he too has had to learn how to balance the workload with time with family.  How grateful I am to have a husband who can care for his family in the midst of such busyness!

Aside from work, Tyler and I have also had a couple opportunities to work together in a way we never really have.  Fist we were asked to lead a study on Romans 12 here at Hands. Over 4 weeks we met with a small group and explored in depth a few passages from this very challenging, but rich chapter from the Bible.  The experience of preparing together was just as remarkable as the time we had as a group discussing the scriptures.  I really feel it took us to another level in our faith…and it no doubt prepared us for when we were asked by our church to give the sermon a month later.  Again, we were so blessed by the moments that we had together praying about, and working on, what we were going to share…so much that we look forward to the chance of doing it again.

Lastly, there is Phumla.  A beautiful young lady we feel privileged to call our daughter.  She just turned 22 and is nearly finished her Auxiliary nursing (similar to an LPN) degree at ASM college.  She has just completed her second month of practical work at the hospital and during this time has stayed with us.  It has been amazing to be able to just “live” normal life with her…she has really opened up this year and become a real part of the family.  She is brilliant with Hayden and has even come out of her shell to get to know some of our family around Hands.  Our prayer is that she will continue to work hard and push against the odds…that she will, unlike most of her peers, find a job and eventually a husband, who will love her for who she is and honour her the way she deserves.  And most importantly, that she can fully accept in her heart how deep infinite God’s love is for her!

So that’s an update on us…hope it gives a bit of a picture of what life is like for our family here in South Africa.

Captivated by the Gaze of Christ

“Faith means to find, hold to, and cast my anchor on the foundation (the living, dying, and rising of the Lord Jesus Christ) and so to be held by it.  Faith means to base life on a foundation outside myself, on an eternal and holy foundation, on Christ.  Faith means to be captivated by the gaze of Jesus Christ; one sees nothing but him.  Faith means to be torn out of imprisonment in one’s own ego, liberated by Jesus Christ.” – D. Bonhoffer

Recently I was asked to share about Faith during a service at our church.  For some time I wrestled with what to say.  What did I know about true faith?  I felt inadequate to speak to a church about something that I was, and am, still growing in.  Not knowing where to begin, I sought advice from my wise husband who led me to Hebrews 11:1-2.  Here Paul defines faith as “the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen [for] it gives us the assurance about things we cannot see”.   This really made me think about how much of my life I have lived “comfortable” with not much need for real true faith.  Everything I ever needed was given to me – I had control over my life completely and so what use did I have for God?  But it has only been in recent years that I have come to see that the foundation I had built was one based on self…a self whose worth was dependent on other’s opinions about me, whose brokenness hurt those I loved most around me and whose insecurities birthed anger, intolerance, judgement and jealousy.  And it was through living in community here in Africa, that I came face to face with my limitations, weaknesses and the dark places in my heart.  But it was also through this same community that I am learning to humbly serve and love those around me.  I am learning what it means to find healing within the embrace of others who desire the same thing.  I am learning to commit myself to my Father’s plan and trust him in it.  I am learning that I need to have a life which, as Bonhoffer explains, is based on a foundation OUTSIDE myself, on the unshakable love of Christ.  And lastly, I am learning what it means to have genuine, true, active faith…and I am indebted to many of our African leaders for teaching me this over the past five years.

One woman in particular, Towela, has taught me what is means to live out what James speaks about in chapter 2:14-17.  Her life demonstrates that deep faith must produce good deeds for it to be complete.  Not only does the choice she has made to dedicate her life to hundreds of children by serving with Hands at Work in Zambia demonstrate such faithful servanthood, the choices she makes in her family life reflect this as well.  Living in a tiny two bedroom house with her husband and 4 children, Towela never thought twice when they decided to take in Rose, a girl who was neglected, abused, taken advantage of and is suffering in many other ways, as their own.  Never once did she weigh their expenses against their limited income when her sister and other family members have arrived on her doorstep needing a place to live.  Never once did she say “no, we don’t have room for you.”  For when she has come across the hungry, she feeds them; the thirsty, she gives them drink; the stranger, a roof over their heads and the naked, clothing to wear.  She cares for the sick and visits those who are weary and have been cast out.  With no assurance of money to do these things, Towela daily acts in faith because she knows that Jesus would do the same for her.  She acts from her heart, with TRUST that as she reaches out to care for others God will care for her. 

For me, Towela’s life vividly illustrates the calling that each of us who follow Christ are held to – to humbly serve the poor, the distressed, the widows and the dying (James 1:27).  In Romans 10:15, it says “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news” – And this is the reason Towela’s dusty, calloused and worn feet are beautiful…because each morning she CHOOSES to wake up and live out the Good News.  She, along with our other African leaders: James, Sukai, Audrey, Farai, Florence, Peter, Levi, Blessings, Mbuzi, Trina, Roy and Erick, are carrying out the vision to demonstrate with words and actions, the full gospel of Jesus. 

They are each walking alongside hundreds of Care Workers across Africa, sharing with them the deep love of Christ…making very real the truth that Jesus has been “sent to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.” That he has been sent “to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” And that “to all who mourn, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair [and] in their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.  They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities destroyed long ago” (Isaiah 61:1b-4a). It is through their own brokenness that these leaders are choosing to help carry the burdens that our Care Workers carry, and are thus becoming apart of God’s plan for healing and transformation in their lives. 

And so it is through all of this that faith is built.  As Towela serves her people, her faith is strengthened; as the Care Workers learn more about Jesus, their faith is strengthened (for “faith comes from hearing, that is, the good News of Christ” - Romans 10:17); and as I bear witness to these lives dedicated to love, my faith is strengthened.  It is through people like Towela, that I have begun to understand what it really means to love.  Not because I think that she has it all figured out, or that she is perfect…But because I know that she can live this life because she has embraced her imperfections and bore her wounds.  Because she has acknowledged her weaknesses and therefore must depend on God for her strength.  It is because she is completely convinced that “nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:38).
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