Journal Excerpts

June 4th - I was running this morning. It was early and the morning fog still hung lightly over the dam beside the ASM campus. The sun was rising slowly over Masoyi but the winter chill continued to hold my hands in its grip. I rounded the corner of the field where the trees arch beautifully over what used to be an airstrip; and it was then these words flooded my mind: “Set your sights on the Lord Jesus and He will prepare the way.” This has been such a theme for me! It is like God is gently nudging me; telling me to look to the future…not with anxiety and worry, but with a sense of excitement and peace. And as I looked through the trees, an image of Jesus standing between the rows of trees was imprinted on my heart. It is an image I can still see now. A reminder that God knows…He has a plan for me and all I need to remember is to walk WITH Him. I need to set my sights on Him, trusting Him with an open heart and a willing spirit.

Later that morning, at our usually Monday Prayer meeting, God continued to speak to me. He put a heavy challenge on my heart. A challenge that I know I need to take on. He spoke to me about the upmost importance of our HEARTS. That we often want to lead with our minds and our hands when instead we must lead with our hearts! That in order for the Holy Spirit to fill us and for God to work effectively through us, we have to be willing to be completely vulnerable. We have to break open the door and smash down the walls surrounding our hearts. We have to open our hearts SO wide so that He can come in. This hit me with such conviction, tears rolled down my face and I knelt down on the ground. There has been a strong wall around my heart. One created by fear, self-rejection, anger and frustration…all the things that have prevented me from becoming intimate with God. I prayed and I will continue to pray that that wall will be broken down. That I will be willing to fail! Willing to have my heart broken because that is the only way Christ can fill me with all the joy, love and beauty he desires. I prayed that I would be His vessel. That His abundant blessings bestowed on me will be used to BLESS Him; to BLESS others. That I will lead with my heart; not my mind or my body.

June 8th – Laid in the grass tonight, just starring at the expanse of stars above me. Thought about my parents. How blessed I am. I have everything and yet I give so little. I give the easy things; the extras but never the things I hold close to me. I want to live radically generous. My money is not mine but the Lord’s, so why can I not let it go? To use it to bless others. In my heart I want to, but I never know “how much” or “to what.” So I lay there and prayed. A prayer that I hope will be on repeat. For a tongue which speaks words of love. For a heart filled with Jesus. I want to hear the Lord. I want to be a good steward, an obedient child. I want the “sad” feelings I have for the brokenness here to be deeper than that. I want my heart to break so that the Lord can really use me and all He’s blessed me with to bless Him back.

A day in the life…

The day begins much like any other. I wake up just before sunrise and step out of our room into the warm morning breeze. I stand for a moment, eyes closed against the orange glow of the sun, thankful that this morning lacks the typical winter chill of previous mornings. It is already 6:30 so I grab my yoga mat and scurry to the front “veranda” of the village. Within a few minutes, my fellow exercisers: Busie, Jayme and Kristal join me for some sunrise PSL (pray, stretch, love). This is always a special time in my day because not only do I get to strengthen and stretch my body, but I get to do it with the most beautiful view in front of me and the most wonderful company of women beside me. After completing our routine and praying for the day ahead, we disband knowing we will see each other again at some point throughout the day (that is the thing about community living/working).

Knowing I have a lot to do, I quickly grab my shower stuff and shuffle barefoot across the cold brick path to the ladies bathroom that I share with the other women living at Hands Village (currently Ty and I live in “dorm/hostel style” flat. We have our own bedroom, but share a bathroom and kitchen with many other volunteers from around the world. You can see what I am talking about in the video). After throwing on some clothes and a headband to keep my wild hair out of my face…the calcium and such in the brownish coloured dam water we shower in, has made my hair do some crazy things… I quickly make the bed (to keep out the creepy crawlies) and head into the kitchen. I give a quick hello to Steven, our resident Aussie, and set to making a stack of dutch pannekoek for our small group potluck breakfast. (Small group is something we do every Wednesday morning. Everyone who is involved with Hands is a part of a small group. It is a really beautiful time of learning and getting to know each other better as “family.” Our small group is the best, partly because Carolyn serves up real coffee…such a treat when instant coffee is the norm.)

After breaky I pass by my room to collect my computer and other work stuff before heading down the hill to the office. The office we work in is not really like offices at home so you will have to use your imagination for this next part. Envision this: a simple building with a few rooms separated by doors. Inside are some tables, desks, chairs and many wires strewn along the walls (some for electricity and some for Internet access). The roof is made of corrugated iron and is very often plagued with hyper monkeys who are scampering around making an incredible racket. Now don’t get me wrong, the office may be makeshift, but it does the job. We have electricity…most of the time, Internet… most of the time and laughter…all of the time (a necessity for me as I can get quite overwhelmed and challenged by the work I am involved in).

In any case, this is the place that I will spend the next 7 or so hours of my day. I will either be in meetings or on my computer doing project support for our team in Zambia. Now this part that is so hard to explain. The best thing I can do to answer the question "What do you actually do?" is to encourage you to go to follow this link to the Hands at Work website : http://www.handsatwork.org/our-response/ . This will give you a good idea of the BIG picture of how Hands works. As for more specifically, all I can say is that I help our "partners" (i.e. the community based organizations) put their “dreams” of how they want to care for the orphaned and vulnerable children in their communities onto paper in a proposal format for a potential donor. I also help to support them in writing reports and some other stuff that is hard to explain. Now I won’t lie, this kind of work is way out of my comfort zone and I often get frustrated and feel like I have no idea what I am doing...but I know in my heart that this is where I need to be and because He sees the bigger picture, that's all that matters.

After work, Jayme and I pack up our things and go on a walk up the dusty dirt road that runs in front of Hands Village. It is such a stunning road to walk, especially if the sun is rising or setting. Today the sky is a multitude of colours and the air smells of burning grass (mass amounts of land are burned during the winter months here). Running and walking this road with Jayme or Tyler is one of my favorite things to do. It always allows time for great conversation, reflection, and worship.

Just as the sun settles down behind Masoyi again, I give Jayme a big huge goodbye and set off to prepare dinner. As I walk into the kitchen I am greeted by Kristal who is already halfway through cooking her supper. I pull out a cutting board and sneakily snag my favorite knife from Kristal’s prep area. Although the kitchen can sometimes get super chaotic when there are a lot of volunteers living at the village, I love embracing opportunities like this one to catch up with a friend as we cook our suppers side-by-side (you know me, I love to cook and love it even more when I can do it in the company of people I care about). Just as I light the gas stove (yup, gas!) Ty joins me and offers to help. Together we make Indian curry and roti. By the time we finish eating and washing the dishes, I am exhausted so I head back to our room to do some reading before falling asleep to the sounds of crickets.